When I was a kid, I never went trick-or-treating, and we never had trick-or-treaters. Growing up in the town of Occoquan, we always went to the Occoquan Parade.
In 5th grade, I was wondering what to be for Halloween, and I realized I wanted to be something different. Something that I didn’t see. Something unique. I was sick of the same old costumes. Suddenly, it dawned on me. A Haunted House! So I spent a month making the costume. I was so happy when I won the first prize for Most Original Costume. Yay! My brother also won a prize that same year. He got Most Scary costume.
I didn’t go trick-or-treating until I was in high school, and I went with my brother. It was a horrible experience. These asshole high-schoolers bullied my brother and me, and just followed us around creepily, taunting us. I hated it. Then eventually, they stole my brother’s candy, and I yelled something after them. I felt really REALLY terrible. I had been bullied since the 6th grade. The guy was Brandon Carter. We were psuedo-friends in 5th grade, and then in 6th grade, he started teasing me and bulling me. Just typing this makes me feel like crying because I was so miserable. What a dick. Anyway, I suspect that one of the guys that Halloween was probably Brandon Carter, but since they were in costumes, I couldn’t be sure. I gave my brother my candy but I don’t think it made it any better. I know I still felt terrible. I still feel terrible to this day.
When I was in college…. I found out Brandon Carter had died. Good riddance. I don’t hate him, I guess.. I feel sad for him… but…. I’m glad he’s not alive anymore. Is that horrible? Maybe. But… it’s how I feel.
Speaking of bullying, here’s a great excerpt that someone posted to Facebook:
November 1, 2011 at 11:17 am
WHOA! I have the same story. The kid who bullied me in high school committed suicide and I was glad. I don’t feel guilty about being glad either. That kid really hurt me and I’m glad he can’t do that to anyone ever again.
November 1, 2011 at 11:20 am
I had a shitty guidance counselor who sided with the school in attempting (and utterly failing) to charge my parents over $1,000 for me writing 2 or 3 words on a locker in chalk after seeing seniors doing the same thing. (When I made him try to point to where it was, he couldn’t even find it.) (And ultimately we paid $20.)
Shit made my dad leave a business trip early.
He died too. Fuck him. Fucker can rot. I’m gonna piss on the grave of my addition builder too, if I can ever find it after he finally fucking dies.
November 1, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Yeah, that sounds really annoying that you had to take the punishment for that. It sounds like they scape-goated you to set an example, but it sounds way over the top. The punishment did not match the crime.
November 1, 2011 at 12:37 pm
My guidance counselor? He died… of gout.
November 1, 2011 at 12:05 pm
I don’t know how Brandon died. I don’t remember who told me the news now, but at the time, I didn’t ask for details.
November 1, 2011 at 1:17 pm
I don’t think I was bullied as badly as you, but I was bullied. I ran into one of my bullies around the end of high school, and one or two others again later, so I got some perspective. Everyone (well, most people) grows up at some point, and a lot of the bullies live to regret how they acted. So that’s something, I guess.
I think the exercise with the crumpled paper is awesome! I’m going to keep that in my back pocket in case it ever comes to my attention that one of my kids is being a bully.
November 1, 2011 at 1:38 pm
I dealt with bullying throughout middle school and high school too. In hindsight, I think it definitely affected my personality negatively. You aren’t alone.
November 1, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Great post, Carolyn–although disturbing too. I’m sorry you and so many people suffered under bullies. I’m no exception and, in spite of my efforts to put it behind me, I still hold grudges. If those people have changed, I’m sure the memory of their behavior disturbs them too. If they haven’t, they have my eternal disdain. At this point, I’m just grateful that the experience left me with more compassion than anger.
@Clint: I remember that guidance counselor only too well. And I felt a surge of righteous victory when he tried to point out your locker and couldn’t.
November 2, 2011 at 2:24 am
Bullying was my #1 reason for applying to TJ. I knew I had to get away from the kids in my middle school.
I once hit one of them in the face hard enough that she had to go to the nurse after they had been bullying me pretty hard in gym class. It was in full view of 3 gym teachers. After doing it, I thought, OH SH*T! and turned to look at the teachers, who all slowly turned to face the other direction.
I later ran into the mom of one of my main bullies and she told me her daughter was cutting hair at Supercuts. I was pretty gleeful on the inside when I told her I was working on my PhD at Duke.
November 2, 2011 at 7:51 am
That’s good that you stood up for yourself.
The other day, Clint showed John the Canadien that clip of the kid body-slamming that bully. Afterwards, we found a video where the bully “apologized” for what he did and tried to say there was more to the story. They were trying to make him so people would have sympathy for him, but I think it fell flat. Especially when the interviewer asked, “Are you sorry for what you did?” The kid answered, “no”, then you see a split second of him glancing off camera and quickly saying, “I mean, ‘yes!’” It cut away to something else, and John the Canadien was like, “The kid’s dad was off camera telling him to say yes.” It cuts back, and the interviewer said something along the lines of, “Well, we know your dad is sorry, but are you sorry?” Here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdPuJOC4Qv8
The most I ever did to stand up for myself was to just start yelling at Brandon to clean up his loogey off of my backpack on the bus. I kept yelling and screaming and making a scene until FINALLY he gave in and cleaned it off. I was so grossed out by loogeys already by that time, so there was no way I was going to be capable of cleaning it off myself without gagging.
November 2, 2011 at 2:16 pm
Yeah, I hit one once and grabbed another by the throat on the bus once and told her if she touched me again I’d rip out her throat. Needless to say, in the first instance I got an apology from the group bullying me and one of them even tried to be my friend afterwards, the group on the bus just sat far far away from me.
I still felt I had to get away from them though, so I’m not sure that standing up to them does a lot. I kind of just felt bad at the time that I had let them push me to violence. I don’t feel bad about it anymore though.
December 16, 2011 at 3:15 pm
I wish I’d seen this post earlier….really cool and interesting read, Carolyn. I think you and I would have been friends when we were kids, if we’d met each other.
A haunted house costume is totally original!
That teacher’s lesson re: bullying is really really impactful- I wish more teachers thought to explain lessons like that. I’m sorry you were bullied, and reading these comments is making me realize how prevalent and common bullying really is.
I really feel for anyone who is/was bullied- I was bullied for about 2 years in middle school and I can honestly say it affected my self-esteem for a really long time. I’d be lying if I said all traces of its effects were completely gone even now. The only satisfaction I had years later was noticing that in High school the bully didn’t seem to have any friends, while in high school I made more friends. No clue where he his now (nor do I really want to I guess?)
December 16, 2011 at 3:17 pm
@Christina- damn, I’m impressed!
December 16, 2011 at 4:34 pm
If you’re a bully and you’re calling your victim “Sasquatch,” you gotta expect a beat down at some point. Right? (Yep, that’s what they called me all through middle school).